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<title>How do you choose? by Sylanna</title>
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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864735">How do you choose?</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylanna/pseuds/Sylanna'>Sylanna</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Lord of the Rings - All Media Types, The Lord of the Rings - J. R. R. Tolkien, The Silmarillion and other histories of Middle-Earth - J. R. R. Tolkien</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Background Relationships, Choice of the Peredhel, Family, Father-Son Relationship, Feelings, Gen</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2020-08-12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-05 07:42:17</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>Teen And Up Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>No Archive Warnings Apply</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>1,284</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/25864735</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/Sylanna/pseuds/Sylanna</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>Elladan wants to know how his father made the choice of the half-elves, of being mortal or elven. He himself is still questioning his fate. Elrond tells him about his motivation.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>12</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>26</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>How do you choose?</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>I have some time nowadays in transfer to write small pieces. This is the first one for your enjoyment.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>"Ada. How do you choose?", my younger son asks me one morning. I immediately know what troubles his heart, but I have taught my children to speak clearly.</p><p>"One makes many choices, Elladan. Some are easy, others less so."</p><p>"The choice of the peredhel is what troubles me."</p><p>I am aware he hasn't made his choice yet. He differs greatly from his siblings. Elrohir and Arwen have already made up their minds, even if they have not officially spoken the words setting their paths.</p><p>I look at him and wait. Prompting him to speak is not something I would do in this situation. As a father, I am torn between not wanting to loose him and not influencing him. The second option is the only correct one of course. The other is plain selfish.</p><p>"I do not know how to choose", Elladan says. "Arwen and 'Rohir both chose for love, but I have not felt this for anyone. With the time of the elves coming to an end, my time is running out", he explains.</p><p>" You know, I cannot take that choice from you, it is yours to make."</p><p>"I know, Ada."</p><p>"Which kind of advice do you wish from me then?" He's probably going to ask for the reasoning behind my own choice. I've never told it to my children and so far they haven't asked, for fear of dragging up old memories of my own twin.</p><p>As expected, he poses the question: "How did you know you belonged with your elven lineage? I know you didn't know mother then, so your reason must differ from my siblings'".</p><p>I swallow. "There are many kinds of love, Elladan. I can not claim to have made my choice without it, for I thought about my family."</p><p>"You and Elros chose differently though."</p><p>"And it was the best for him. He was restless and wanted to explore, live his life to the fullest. But by the time, I lost four parents, all of which I hope to see again."</p><p>"So they were your reason?", he asks, doubt in his voice.</p><p>Sometimes, he seems young to me. How do I explain it? "No. But I thought of them. Truth is, I never liked living among humans too much. In the war camp of my youth, there were many mortals among us. To me, they seemed unnecessary hectic and lacking calm. Elros thrived in their presence, but I felt not well accepted. Also, I had the wish to learn and explore as well, but again, different from Elros. The last years before our choice were hard, we grew apart. I went with the healers and scholars and he with the mortal warriors. When we chose, we knew we wouldn't see each other often again."</p><p>Elladan remains silent for a while, thinking of my words. "You just knew then?"</p><p>"It is one of the only truly selfish choices I made, but also one that requires it. It will be the same for you. But also, we peredhil have to live with the choice. I witnessed my brother's death. I saw my kin die in war and still am here. I saw the long peace and Imladris rise. I watched my children grow. I will loose my daughter soon, the day I set foot on a ship to the blessed realm. Elros saw much death too, and experienced the death of his behome.d ones. In the end, it was less hard to make the choice. Living with it is the hard part."</p><p>I an aware of how this sounds. Stern and unforgiving. This is the nature of our fate, of being peredhil. We will loose friends and family or hurt them one day.</p><p>"Do you regret your choice?", Elladan asks. He sounds a bit uncertain. I can not fault him.</p><p>"No", I tell him honestly. I have never regretted my decision to be counted among the first-born, even though if continued life has it's challenges. I know my son will one day make the choice that is correct for him.</p><p>"What does your heart tell you?", I ask him out of curiosity. We have spoken about it once before, long ago, when I first explained the choice to him and Elrohir. Then, both had been undecided.</p><p>" My heart tells me to stay with my family."</p><p>This could mean both. Sailing or staying with Arwen. Still, the sentiment makes he happy. Elladan has grown into a fine peredhel. Whatever path he will choose, he will make the best of it, I am sure.</p><p> </p><p>- - -</p><p>I sail to Valinor without my children. In front of me, reunions with my parents await, I hope to see them all. Celebrian will wait for me, she promised so long ago. I can't wait to hold her in my arms again. Still, I fear the moment I have to tell her of Arwen's choice. We won't see her again in this world. Elladan still has not made his choice. He took over the Lordship of Imladris, with Celeborn. Elrohir is travelling with Rumil. Those two have promised to sail one day at least.</p><p>When the ship docks, I see Celebrian waiting for me. She falls into my arms as soon as my feet touch the shore. Her scent is familiar and her touch soothing.</p><p> </p><p>- - -</p><p> </p><p>The last ship has been seen in the distance. It bears the last elves to these shores. Celebrian is clutching my hand, in fear and hope. We have no word of Elladan, if he comes.</p><p>The sails draw closer and more elves come to watch. Among them my mother and all three of my fathers. This wish had been granted to long ago</p><p>Galadriel appears next to us. She greets me with a nod. Her heart is also riding on this ship. She at least can be certain it will bear her love home.</p><p>When the ship docks, I see Galadriel walk closer. Fast. Her Husband is the first one setting foot on the shores here. He looks around wondrous, but soon has his arms claimed by his wife. After a few moments, they step aside and Celeborn greets Celebrian and me. He sees the questioning eyes of his daughter and points to the ship. He smiles.</p><p>Our sons are among the last elves to leave the ship. Elrohir walks down the last steps to the beach hand in hand with Rumil. Elladan is behind them. He is alone, but smiles when he sees us. Soon, I am engulfed in a group-hug (as the hobbits would have called it), enjoying the happinesses of having my family with me.</p><p> </p><p>Years later, Elladan tells me of his choice. I have never asked him to do so, out of respect. For me, it had always been the most personal topic for a peredhil to speak about.</p><p>"I did not find this undying love, ada, that made my siblings choose", he says, sipping his tea in my living room. "I think, I was choosing where I would fit in best. After 'Rohir and Rumil came back from their travels, I took my turn. I went to Minas Tirith and tried to find a home among the men, as Arwen did. It felt not like Imladris did and the men were sometimes so unnecessarily violent and confusing. Then I went back home and took again my place beside Elrohir as Lords of our city. My choice was made the day we gave over our valley to the humans. It broke my heart, letting our home go, in the knowledge of the destructive nature of men."</p><p>"And do you regret your choice?", I ask him, turning his own question from long ago back on him.</p><p>"No", he says.</p>
  </div><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_foot_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff"><p>Thank you for reading. Kudos and comments are highly appreciated :)</p></blockquote></div></div>
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